No Quick Fix
Hilary Anne Scott • July 21, 2019
No Quick Fix
About five weeks ago I lost my balance and slammed my head into the corner of a wall (Dec 19 2016). I gave myself a pretty wicked concussion and am still dealing with the effects — feeling totally off balance, not able to focus well or be in loud environments. I am unable to multi-task or spend much time with people. Concentrating literally hurts. I am told to rest and be patient. Life is going by and I am pretty much stopped in my tracks. I did not plan for this, or truly understand the ramifications of this injury. I probably still don’t.
I’ve had a lot of time to think while resting my eyes, and I’ve been thinking there are so many parallels to sudden injury and unexpected loss, to grief and healing. When you experience a profound loss the way to healing is to rest. It is listening to your body as it has suffered a shock and trauma. Your life as you knew it, has completely changed. You do not have the energy you once had or the patience or time for things that are no longer truly important.
It is best for you to slow down and be very careful while you are grieving as you are preoccupied and accident prone. Taking time to heal involves limiting your circle of friends and loved ones to people who do not erode your very little energy, people who do not tell you what you should be doing and how you should be feeling. As much as you can, be around people who are understanding and supportive of your healing. Grief can be so very isolating and lonely, and like an injury, no one can heal for you.
My clients often come to me to ask for a faster way to heal from grief. They need the debilitating pain to stop and they want to get back to normal. I wish I had a magic solution. Grief is the natural and normal emotional response to loss. There is no quick or easy way around this but to grieve. To rest, to take care of yourself, teat well and exercise your body; to listen to your own needs and talk through your pain with someone safe who will not invalidate your loss or minimize your feelings. A trusted person who will not give timelines for “getting over it” or make you feel crazy for being sad, someone who will be brave enough to honour and witness your pain, without trying to fix it. I cannot stress the importance of this enough.
Sadness is natural when you’ve experienced profound loss. Your life will not be the same. It will not go back to “normal.” But you will, given much time and healing, integrate the softened grief into your cells and heart where it will become a part of who you are.
Sadness, joy, love and happiness are all part of you. This is what it is to be human.
Hilary Scott is a Certified Grief Recovery Specialist® and a Certified Grief and Loss Support®. Contact her at hscott@healingtheloss.com. You can find Healing the Loss on Facebook and online at www.healingtheloss.com
